So, THAT's what a mirror does?

It reflects yourself back to you.  Who’da thunk it?

Duh, right?  I mean, I’ve only been chewing on this God Mirror idea for almost 10 years now.  Why hurry into doing anything with it?

So, what did the mirror show me?  Well, It’s amazing what a mirror will show you when you let others serve a your God Mirror. 

I’ve been in a gloomy place in my life lately.  Probably my depression rearing its ugly head.  Poor health, poor attitude, poor sleep (which is ironic, because I do love my sleep).  In short, my give-a-damn was just flat broke. 

So, starting a couple of years ago, I did a sleep study.  Let me tell you, I was HAWTT (say it in Paris Hilton’s voice) with all that goop in my hair and wires connected to multiple places on my body.  News Flash!  Sleep Apnea.  (My husband and kids could have you that without me having to spend a night in a strange bed looking like a lab rat – but I’m sure they appreciated told the break)  Enter: CPAP machine.  It was a gift from above. Let. Me. Tell. You.  Actually, my husband would tell you first.  I mean, sure, I look like Bane from the Batman Returns movies, but I was sleeping so much better!  I mean, I still wanted naps, but not nearly at the frequency as I had before.  It was less of a need and more for enjoyment.  (Hey, you have your hobbies, I have mine)

After working with my amazing nurse practitioner, we’ve finally gotten some of my health levels under control. I’m even losing a few pounds!  *woot*woot*

*yawn, Amy, get on with it*

Give-a-damn, still busted. 

So, at the urging of my husband and NP, I went to see a counselor.  Someone I’d found through a friend.  He’s someone I’d gotten to know a bit before I started seeing him as a counselor.  One of the first things he told me was that he thought I was very intelligent. *inert sarcastic comment because I don’t know how to take a compliment*.  “No, seriously, you’re very smart. Do you believe that?”  “Uhhh….sure”.

Further in the conversation, he asked if people tended to come to me and share about their lives…How did he know!?!   Yeah, that DOES happen.  “Have you ever considered being a counselor?”  Apparently, my face lit up. 

Long story short, I’m applying to graduate school for Marriage and Family counseling.  Nothing I’d ever considered before, but with the support and urging of my husband, children, parents, friends, and counselor, it looks like I’m going to change my career at 43. 

So, that brings you up to today.

Stay tuned.  I’m sure it’ll be a rocky road, but it’ll be worth it.  Right?!?

Alternate Mirrors

My husband and son have been watching The Flash television series.  I have been watching it with them here and there.  The current story arc involves The Flash and his cohorts traveling to an alternate Earth.  One in which their dopplegangers are almost polar opposites of themselves on Earth 1 as they call it.

So, with random time to think driving home, I started to wonder what my doppleganger would be like in an alternate universe.  I know, I know...totally impossible and probably not healthy.

Well, I can tell you that the latter is absolutely true.  My doppleganger (in my mind) had some pretty amazing traits...which sounds good, except that she was nothing like me, at least in my mind.  

Yup, the stinkin’-thinkin’ self deprecation started creeping in.  She was skinny.  She was successful. She was a great housekeeper…well, I can’t argue with the housekeeping thing.  I will say that she was quite an unfunny bore and a pretty cruddy friend (which is totally opposite of who I am, here). But I digress.

Then, I felt this ‘tap’ on my conscience.  Is that really how God wants us thinking about ourselves?  Should we beat ourselves up?  What exactly does that accomplish?

I really need to spend some time at my God Mirror.  What started as a ‘what if’ idea, turned into beating myself up.  

If I’m not reflecting to myself what God sees in me, am I effective in reflecting to others what God sees in them?  

Back to the God Mirror….Maybe I should listen better, this time.  Or go back more often. Or, maybe both.

What would your doppleganger be like?

Broken Mirrors

Hello!?!? Is this thing on?!?  

I think my God Mirror’s broken!  

I’ve been praying for guidance...nada.

I’ve been praying for that one opportunity to prove myself in the workplace...nuthin’..

*tap*tap*tap*

Nope.  I think it’s broken.

I’ve been praying for God’s will and have been listening..or at least I think I have been. Or, what if I’ve already received the answer and didn’t hear it?  What if I totally just bombed or walked away from the opportunity?

It’s becoming harder and harder to smile and give a generic warm fuzzy answer when people ask how I’m doing.  Mostly, I'm doing well.  I have a wonderful husband who always supports me  I have teenagers/tweens...so, there’s that, but I’m not alone there and they’re by and large pretty good kids.  But I AM still unemployed and that’s starting to eat away at me. Nobody wants to be ‘that guy’ who brings everybody down with his constant complaining, but people are starting to see through the smile.

One of the hardest things is learning how to take the sincere encouragement that my friends offer.  They really believe in me. So why do I feel so awkward accepting compliments and encouragement?  

That’s an easy question.  I’m usually the one GIVING compliments and encouragement.  

It seems like I have THAT part of the God Mirror down pat.  I’m always one to encourage and boost someone.

I’m not sure what grand revelation this blog entry is supposed to reveal.  But I sure hope I figure it out soon.  I hope I figure it all out soon.  

I know in my heart that it’s ridiculous, but I swear I’m in my own personal fight club as much as I’ve been beating myself up!

It will happen, and I’ll be exactly where I’m supposed to be.  Currently, though...I’m not digging the ride.  Frankly, I’ve never been a fan of roller coasters.

If nothing else, I hope this blog entry shows others that they’re not alone.

And that their mirrors aren't broken, either. It just feels like it sometimes.

Until next time...

Grace-giving Mirrors...

"Hey, that's the one guy who used to.....when we were little"
"Didn't she always .....in high school?"
"I'll never talk to him again, because....all those years ago"

You've said things like this.  I've said things like this.  We all have.  We all have very specific memories from our past.  Not all of them are great memories about other people and what they've done and decisions they've made.... 

I had one such thought about someone who had made a terrible decision in the past.  He'd gone through all the ridicule and rumors that swirled around.  I may have even been one to share some of those stories that may or may not have been accurate...I was young...I didn't know any better.

I know he went through the proper legal channels and has since built a wonderful life and has beautiful children.

I ran into him recently and still thought about what he did back then.  Then, I allowed myself to visit with him and learn more about him than I'd ever known back then.  Seems like he turned out to be a decent guy.  Who'da thunk?  We didn't get to talk too long, but maybe he's become a Believer.  Who knows.

My point is that changes we've made don't negate choices we've made in the past, but the choices we've made in the past don't define who we are, now.  

Is that statement circular enough?  

In that situation, and others, I've realized that we are all so much deeper than we appear.  Are we being good God Mirrors if we join the rumor mill?  Are we being good God Mirrors if we hold those memories against who a person has become today?

I'm guessing notsomuch.

God doesn't forget the mistakes we've made in our lives (I don't believe), but he also doesn't hold them against us.  

We're made clean everyday (every minute).  We need to extend that sort of grace to others.  Nothing makes us any better than another.

I don't want to become a doormat, but I want to get better at seeing through others' pasts and into their hearts.  

We should all go forth and put our judgey-ness aside.  See things through the eyes of God listen with his ears.  Otherwise we'll miss out on some pretty amazing people.

Good Night.

The Mirror-that-Shall-Not-Be-Named

Alright, already!  I get it, I get it!

All of my wonderful friends, family, and amazing encouragers have been telling me to, 'start a blog'.

Well, I HAVE a blog, but since I've not written anything since February, I can see why people might think I don't have one!

So, I'll face you all and be as real as I am one-to one.

Today, I'm (at least talking about) addressing the mirror that I have been avoiding for a LONG time...Just over a year (most recently)...

I'm talking about the mirror that makes me take stock in where I am in my life. What have I done to get me here? What am I doing to move myself past this hurdle (or personal pot-hole)? Am I really even trying?

So, for those of you who I haven't been in contact with lately, I have been unemployed for just over a year.

Yeah, I worked seasonally at Costco.  I started a perfectly ok job at a local credit union with WONDERFUL people.  I was lured away by the prospect of another possibility (more money/career possibilities)...which turned out to be a miserable fit for my personality and skill-set.  I'd like to say I got fired, but I really just left before they had the chance.  It wasn't my smartest move, but I couldn't bear the reality of another position ending...where it wasn't my fault.  So I had to resign/quit/whatever you want to call it. And here I find myself unemployed, again.

So, here I sit, a year after being unceremoniously let go from a job that I really enjoyed (well, enjoyed who I worked with and many things surrounding it...the job was fine, really) without any prospects for gainful employment.

I AM, however, looking at going back to get my Masters degree.  (What else am I going to do with my time, right?).  Many options, but little income (from me), lately.

This all brings me to my mirrors that I've been avoiding.

The first question: I believe that I brought myself here by making some poor choices.  Some were well thought-out, but some were knee-jerk.  Some were even made to please other people.  I'm not sure how many of them were made after consulting my God Mirror.  Double (triple/quadruple) dummy on me for that one! My hope is to find a place that will give me a chance to prove myself ...even letting me start as an admin or something.  But, you know...a 40-year-old woman who has as random a resume as I do over the last 15 years isn't nearly as inviting as many other applicants...

The second:  Well, I haven't been doing much at all, lately.  Lots of wallowing and copious amounts of sleeping in and napping. Neither of these are helpful to my situation or my health. I am sure that my husband is still waiting for that 'burst of energy' that comes when you are about to have a baby.  I believe they call it 'nesting' and many people use it to clean house or organize (and re-organize) the house.  It didn't happen with either boys nor before the girl came home.  He's been waiting almost 15 years for that.  This time in our lives would be a great time for it to kick in!

I've looked at some graduate programs, applied for a butt-ton of jobs (as my daughter would say), and not applied for even more because I let my pea-brain talk me out of them saying that I don't have the experience. (We all know that little hamster-wheel of job-hunting -- no experience = no job to get the experience = still no experience...)

To answer the third question, I need to really go back to my God Mirror and do some praying and read some scripture.  If any of you have any to suggest, I'd love to hear it.

I'm not sure how much of this blog will be helpful to others except to show that no matter how fun/funny/well-put together someone may seem on social media...in most cases, it's not that pretty on the insides of their brains.  We all have messes to clean up.

Unfortunately, Windex won't do anything to clear up this mirror for me.  Only God can.  I am also keenly aware that God uses others as his hands and feet.  I want to be those hands and feet, but I seem to feel like I need to find my own first.

Blessings to all and thanks for listening to me ramble.

Off to pray and attempt to approach my God Mirror...whether I want to hear what He has to say, or not!

Thank you all for letting me spout off....and I hope to be more upbeat next time!

Comparing Mirrors

I've been thinking a lot lately how my problems/struggles are nothing in comparison to those I know who are fighting cancer and other ugly diseases. Cancer has reared its ugly head in so many lives around me.  Sometimes, I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop in our lives.  I almost feel guilty that we haven't had that to deal with.  (Not that I'm inviting cancer to show up at our doorstep)

Then, I have to wonder if God really wants us to play down our own struggles because they don't compare to others'.  I don't believe that's the case.

Jill Savage, founder of Hearts at Home put it best when she said that we need to stop comparing our insides to others' outsides.  I know this is in reference to feeling like others have 'perfect lives', but I've been wondering lately if the opposite is true.

The struggles we each face are real and have their effects on our lives.  Just because we're not hurting as bad as our friends doesn't mean we can just push our hurts aside.

I need to go to my God Mirror as ME, not as ME-IN-COMPARISON.  God deals with us as individuals.  He wants us to love and help those who need more than we do, but he doesn't rank us when it comes to prayer.

If it bothers you, if it weighs on your heart, if you're not quite sure....take it to your God Mirror and God will reflect back to you the magnitude of your issue and how to approach it!

I'm not sure if this blog entry is making much sense, but I don't want us to say, "Well, I don't have Cancer, so I need to just suck it up."  And I don't believe God feels that way, either.

Take it to Him and He'll help you work through any of your struggles.  God has a different journey for each of us and He will be there to guide us through it if we let Him.


One of my favorite verses comes to mind tonight:

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God Bless and have a God-Filled week!

Funny Mirrors that Talk

Okay, so this guy walks into a bar.....

What do you get when you cross....?

Did you hear the one about...?

Those are all relatively harmless lines...UNTIL they come out the mouths of children...in front of your parents/minister/elderly neighbor/other kids.  Your mind automatically goes back to the last time YOU said that and how YOU ended it.  Rut-ROH!  The look of mortification spreads across your face as you worry how they're going to end it.

We've all done it.  We can joke, tease each other, say something off-color, or even 'insult' each other and know that it's all in fun.  We can see the humor in it.  We only do it around people who KNOW we don't really mean it.

Yeah, kids don't always pick up on those nuances...So, they don't filter themselves quite as well...

But when we hear those words back, maybe that's God reflecting back to us how things sound when they come out of our mouths.

Funny as they may be, maybe we shouldn't be saying them in any company, much less the short people (children) in our world.  Are these jokes really glorifying God?  Are they really honoring Him?  Are WE the Jesus that others need to see?  We may encounter someone who needs to see Jesus, and we're busy showing them our backsides so-to-speak. 

If you have to change the words to the joke based on who you're telling it to, maybe you should just keep it to yourself.

NOW....I'm not preaching from a high horse, here.  I'm one of the biggest offenders!  Oh MY GOODNESS!  And I am continually reminded by my own 'Funny Mirrors that Talk'.  And, they're REALLY funny!

It's RIDICULOUSLY humbling to say, "I don't want to hear that coming out of your mouth" when it just came out of your own mouth.  They are ABSOLUTELY hysterical and have quick wits that are not to be matched by anybody!  I often joke that we need to teach them the 'whens' to using such a gift/curse.  I don't want to get a call from school that one has just been flattened because he joked with the wrong guy.

Let's try to keep each other accountable so we don't 'step in it'!  Who's with me?

If you wouldn't tell Jesus...maybe you shouldn't tell anybody...*she said to herself*

I'll leave you with this:

Philippians 4:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.