God Mirror Girl

God Mirror Girl

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Mirror-that-Shall-Not-Be-Named

Alright, already!  I get it, I get it!

All of my wonderful friends, family, and amazing encouragers have been telling me to, 'start a blog'.

Well, I HAVE a blog, but since I've not written anything since February, I can see why people might think I don't have one!

So, I'll face you all and be as real as I am one-to one.

Today, I'm (at least talking about) addressing the mirror that I have been avoiding for a LONG time...Just over a year (most recently)...

I'm talking about the mirror that makes me take stock in where I am in my life. What have I done to get me here? What am I doing to move myself past this hurdle (or personal pot-hole)? Am I really even trying?

So, for those of you who I haven't been in contact with lately, I have been unemployed for just over a year.

Yeah, I worked seasonally at Costco.  I started a perfectly ok job at a local credit union with WONDERFUL people.  I was lured away by the prospect of another possibility (more money/career possibilities)...which turned out to be a miserable fit for my personality and skill-set.  I'd like to say I got fired, but I really just left before they had the chance.  It wasn't my smartest move, but I couldn't bear the reality of another position ending...where it wasn't my fault.  So I had to resign/quit/whatever you want to call it. And here I find myself unemployed, again.

So, here I sit, a year after being unceremoniously let go from a job that I really enjoyed (well, enjoyed who I worked with and many things surrounding it...the job was fine, really) without any prospects for gainful employment.

I AM, however, looking at going back to get my Masters degree.  (What else am I going to do with my time, right?).  Many options, but little income (from me), lately.

This all brings me to my mirrors that I've been avoiding.

The first question: I believe that I brought myself here by making some poor choices.  Some were well thought-out, but some were knee-jerk.  Some were even made to please other people.  I'm not sure how many of them were made after consulting my God Mirror.  Double (triple/quadruple) dummy on me for that one! My hope is to find a place that will give me a chance to prove myself ...even letting me start as an admin or something.  But, you know...a 40-year-old woman who has as random a resume as I do over the last 15 years isn't nearly as inviting as many other applicants...

The second:  Well, I haven't been doing much at all, lately.  Lots of wallowing and copious amounts of sleeping in and napping. Neither of these are helpful to my situation or my health. I am sure that my husband is still waiting for that 'burst of energy' that comes when you are about to have a baby.  I believe they call it 'nesting' and many people use it to clean house or organize (and re-organize) the house.  It didn't happen with either boys nor before the girl came home.  He's been waiting almost 15 years for that.  This time in our lives would be a great time for it to kick in!

I've looked at some graduate programs, applied for a butt-ton of jobs (as my daughter would say), and not applied for even more because I let my pea-brain talk me out of them saying that I don't have the experience. (We all know that little hamster-wheel of job-hunting -- no experience = no job to get the experience = still no experience...)

To answer the third question, I need to really go back to my God Mirror and do some praying and read some scripture.  If any of you have any to suggest, I'd love to hear it.

I'm not sure how much of this blog will be helpful to others except to show that no matter how fun/funny/well-put together someone may seem on social media...in most cases, it's not that pretty on the insides of their brains.  We all have messes to clean up.

Unfortunately, Windex won't do anything to clear up this mirror for me.  Only God can.  I am also keenly aware that God uses others as his hands and feet.  I want to be those hands and feet, but I seem to feel like I need to find my own first.

Blessings to all and thanks for listening to me ramble.

Off to pray and attempt to approach my God Mirror...whether I want to hear what He has to say, or not!

Thank you all for letting me spout off....and I hope to be more upbeat next time!